the night the kitchen crashed

What's the worst thing that could happen to you while you are sleeping? Secretly getting engaged to Sandra Bullock? Having a nightmare about being naked in public (those are thee. worst.)? How about waking up to a loud crash? That was me last night.

It was midnight. I was fast asleep. BOOM. I wake up. Panic. Jon goes to investigate. I hope he's not about to be attacked by a fire-breathing dragon, or worse, a home invader. He calls up to me to put on my tennis shoes and come down. Shoes? Why do I need shoes? Midnight run? Honestly, I would have rather taken a cold, snowy run last night than what actually followed...and I hate running. One of my canning jars has exploded. That's odd. How does a jar explode? It can't possibly be THAT cold downstairs.

He was right, and he was wrong. A canning jar (actually, multiple canning jars) had exploded, but only after dropping to the counter/floor after a kitchen shelf collapsed. Disaster. Of course it couldn't have been a dry goods shelf. Nope, it was a shelf full of home-canned jars of apple pie filling, apple chutney, and 1 large, unopened bottle of balsamic vinegar. It was a big 'ole apple & vinegar party all over my white cabinets, white floor, and white grout. My cleanfreak heart died a little on the inside.

*If gory details aren't your thing, now would be a good time to look away.*

Crime scene? 

Not pictured: all the goodness that dripped into that nice little space between the counter and the oven and the shards of glass, splatters, apple chunks that scattered all over the rest of the kitchen floor, cabinets & backsplash. Oh, and don't forget the inside of the upper and lower cabinets that were also covered in blood, er, apples/vinegar.

Let's break this down, shall we?

Let the cleaning begin. 

I love how the time was inadvertently captured in the photos. 12:07. 12:21. 12:47. (and not so inadvertently at) 1:18.

Lone survivors. 

All clean. Local time: 1:45 a.m.
You'll notice we cleaned out the contents of the bottom shelf. Lest history repeat itself so quickly. 

This has now replaced Jon-dropped-two-bottles-of-red-wine fiasco of 2011 on our list of all-time greatest messes. Sometimes you just have to laugh, and be very, very grateful that you forked over some extra cash for stain-resisting grout additive, and had recently stocked up on paper towels, a grout brush, grout cleaner, a good steam mop, and a helpful husband.

p.s. I've mentioned this before, but run, don't walk, to pick up a bottle of x14. This stuff works wonders on grout. You know, just in case your kitchen shelf ever decides to die.